Delusion
by Occult
Summary: Kagome's take on her feelings and InuYasha's after three years of waiting. Things never are quite as simple as they seem.


InuYasha has been acting differently tonight.

I mean, not _that _differently, considering it's the night of the new moon. He's always different on these nights. But something else is bothering him, I just know it. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. He_ is_ different now. After all, three years have passed since I've last seen him human. I wrap my arms around myself and stare into my lap, sighing. I had been ecstatic when I was allowed back into the well, back into the lives of my adored friends.

Of InuYasha.

As always, InuYasha is sitting across from me in the cabin, positioned against the wall, his arms folded while guarding Tetsusaiga.

I expect to look up and see him drifting off to sleep. However, I catch those dark eyes of his eying me with something that I can't recognize. I suddenly feel warm. Breathing becomes more difficult. Even now, after I catch him staring, he doesn't tear his eyes away from mine. He's bolder than he used to be.

I find that I'm the one that looks away first.

I'm such a coward.

I force myself to stare into the pot of stew that I had prepared earlier in the night when Miroku, Sango, Kaede, and Shippo were over. Kohaku and Rin had also dropped by. We had these gatherings quite often since I had come back—about two weeks ago now. Feeling an inkling of courage, I decide to look up at InuYasha again, only to find that I still have his attention. His eyes are carry such a foreign depth—I'm absolutely mesmerized. I'd never seen them look so intense, so _torrid_. I feel myself melt inside. I'm burning up.

This silence is unbearable. Why isn't he speaking? Should I?

"Did you enjoy the stew, InuYasha?" My voice squeaks and fluctuates awkwardly.

Great.

I swipe my bangs from my forehead, my hand soaking up some of the nervous sweat. Kami, it's so _hot. _Without noticing my actions, I begin to tug the collar of my shirt in an attempt to cool myself. I don't know if it's the summer heat or his smoldering gaze that is doing this to me. I take note that InuYasha has abandoned his red haori in favor for his white undershirt to also keep cool.

Realizing that he has yet to answer my question, I see that his eyes have drifted slightly lower than before. I follow his line of sight, only to notice that he's preoccupied with the view of me fanning my shirt. I feel my cheeks brighten. Was he really just...? He sees the look on my face and doesn't even seem ashamed.

"It was the best thing I've eaten since you've been gone," he says genuinely, slowly rising to his feet.

My eyes follow him as he makes his way toward me.

"InuYasha?"

He squats down directly in front of me, his face only a mere inches away. I'm tempted to lean forward, to take his mouth into mine like I've craved to do for so many years. Desire builds up in me and I quell it as quickly as it appears. I refuse to make the first move. I know InuYasha knows how I feel by now.

He_ has _to.

"Even though you've been gone for so long...even though you're so close.." he trails off, his hand stretches to cradle my face, but drops abruptly. His voice holds an unusual profundity.

My breath hitches in my throat. I can't move. I know what he's going to say.

He shakes his head, his bangs hiding his eyes from my view.

"I'll never be good enough for you, will I?" The words escape my throat quietly, but in my ears, echo throughout the cabin and even into the midnight forest.

At that, his head jolts up, a look of surprise coloring his face.

"What?"

I stand, my hands clenching while I feel my breathing becoming haphazard.

"Even after all of this time, you're still unsure about me—about us. I waited in my time for three years, thinking of you every _single_ day, InuYasha. You were never, _ever_ far from my thoughts, no matter my surroundings. I focused on how I could get back to you, knowing that one day, I would. Giving up was never an option. Even when I felt inferior to Kikyou, when I felt like if you and I ever did get together, I'd be your second choice, I rose above that. I put my love for you first. _Always_.

"Even when I heard you declare your feelings for her, when I was simply your shard detector, I _settled_ for that if it meant that I could be around you. I came to terms with how you felt. I knew you were confused, but my love for you remained true. I was never doubtful of you, InuYasha. I always knew that I loved you, that I'll _forever_ love you. Even now, knowing that you don't feel the same way, that no amount of time will make you..."

I wrap my arms around myself, now tasting the water in my mouth that has streamed from my eyes. I'm shaking.

"You stupid, stupid woman," I hear him whisper, his eyes locked to the ground.

"How dare you? Did you hear nothing I said?" I'm angry—so angry, in fact, that I'm seeing red through my teary eyes.

"Why did I even bother coming back if-"

"Shut the _fuck_ up, Kagome. You don't know shit. Not a _damned_ thing. You think you've got it all figured out, don't you? That I'm so madly in love with Kikyou, even now while she rests in the ground.

That our time together has meant absolutely fucking_ nothing_ to me. That you being away for three _fucking _years was a vacation for me. You're such a fool—it's pathetic."

His claws dig into the wall behind me, my head trapped in the middle of them. When he finally does look up, I gasp.

His eyes are bloodshot red.

"You're transforming," I whisper, caught so off guard that I don't even form a response to his previous outburst. Tonight is his human night. How is this possible?

"What you don't know, you useless wench, is that-" He nose dives into my neck as he inhales deeply.

"The moment you jumped into the well, I recognized your scent, even after not smelling it for three years. I'd _waited_ to smell it. To know that you'd finally come back to me. I waited by the well every fucking day for _three_ years for you. Every day that you weren't here was absolute hell. I was you wouldn't know that, would you? You couldn't possibly know that I jumped into the well a ridiculous amount of times, praying to a God that I don't even think exists to bring you back to me.

"You wouldn't know that I was jealous of your family—they got to see your smile, hear your laugh. You wouldn't know that beat myself up every day for not being more open to you, for taking advantage of your presence. You wouldn't know that I love you so_ fucking_ much, that it physically _hurt _me to be away from you for so damned long. I would wake up in the middle of the night and vomit, shaking with fever because you weren't fucking here. So don't you _ever_ fucking tell me how I feel about you, Kagome. You'll never know how much it hurts to love you this much. You'll never have a clue, because words don't hold enough power. They'll _never_ hold enough power. Even now..."

He looked down at his elongated claws.

"Your words angered me so much that I lost control."

His hand is now gripping my neck, almost threateningly. I know better. I could never feel afraid of InuYasha.

Tears are still tumbling down my cheeks, for a different reason now, however.

"You beautiful, foolish woman."

He aggressively yanks my mouth to his, his elongated fangs demanding entrance after gliding across my bottom lip. I taste blood, but care not.

This is what I've been waiting so many years for—a declaration of love. That's all I've ever wanted from InuYasha. And as his arms wrap around my torso, I bleed ecstasy.


End file.
